And here we are - it’s Sunday again. My last week in Île-de-France before heading to Germany. The whole changeNOW saga is finally over; it took up three days at the start of the week and, as usual, cost me a couple of pounds. It actually went well, though I’m exhausted. You can read more about it here and here
But my mood and state of mind definitely leave a lot to be desired. As usual, I got hit with depression before the trip - my head’s full of questions like “What the hell?” and “Why?” And fuck, seriously, this is my second move in about a month, not counting my main activities and work
As they say, “If you die, you’re a loser.”
Be that as it may, all of this is moving forward with the inevitability of the heat death of the universe, so let’s just smile and keep waving
The funny thing about all this is that I have to be in Paris on April 17. The prefecture sent me a text message saying my residence permit is finally ready. So we’ll spend a week settling into our new place, and then I’ll head to Paris for the paperwork, praying everything goes smoothly. Well, and then until May, there doesn’t really seem to be a reason to come back. Although, of course, I’m writing about it like this now, but knowing myself, my work, and all this from the experience of recent years - I’m just not going to say anything
So that picture above really captures how I feel about everything that’s going on - trying to cram everything back into boxes or suitcases yet again, and then getting hit with this sudden bureaucratic surprise. But thanks - it’s not exactly comfortable wandering around the EU without a residence permit. Well, to be more precise, I do have a piece of paper from France, but it’s just a piece of paper from France. Even though it is a document
Basically, next week is going to be a constant cycle of fucking hell - fuck, I forgot again where to go and what to do
As my therapist said, what exactly didn't you understand about the word tranquility?
Speaking of psychology - on ChangeNOW, during one of the many conversations I’ve had with people, I was invited to become a mental health advocate. As it turns out, in France this doesn’t require any courses or certification (almost), but they do take on people who, let’s say, have been through some shit and are able to share that experience in one way or another
I don't mean the shitty stuff itself - there's more than enough of that in the world right now; you just have to turn on the news - but rather how to get through it all and fight back
But something tells me that for now, I should sort out my own problems first, and only then help others. Of course, I won’t refuse to help, and I’m generally always willing to share some of my experiences - both the positive and pleasant ones, as well as the unfortunate ones
That’s just how we live. The impulse to cycle 100 km out into the middle of nowhere grows stronger every day
And considering that I haven't worked out this week...
Well, you get the idea. Whenever you're in a tricky situation, either pedal as hard as you can or run - whichever feels more natural to you. Somehow, both options have stuck with me, but I can't exactly say they've had a positive effect on my health. In short - this isn't medical advice; you're better off seeing a doctor
On that note, I’ll say goodbye until next week (though I’m 95.54399% sure I won’t write anything else before the next issue)
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